photo taken September 2009
If you spent more than 15 minutes on the internet last week, it’s likely you heard about Dooce’s new hate site, a blog dedicated to publishing the hate mail she recieves. Poking around a bit more will lead you to random people threatening each other with litigation over nasty comments/critique (depending on how you look at it).
If you’re on the internet, you’re bound to get hate mail. Even my nearly-ninety-year-old grandmother, who has an incredibly honest, personal blog, has received nasty commentary! (If you haven’t read svensto, go, and start at the beginning - it’s an incredible read.) When I read said comments on her blog, I immediately thought, “whoever you are, you are lucky you’re anonymous,” because I could feel myself getting violent. Grandma, however, was unfazed, and knowing that, the issue left my mind.
I get hate mail, too, and it, too, rapidly leaves my mind. When I first started getting hate mail, it did affect me, though not for the reason most people would assume. It didn’t make me feel bad about myself - rather, my thoughts were more along the lines of, “this person doesn’t understand the whole picture - they’re jumping to an ill-conceived conclusion, and I must clarify the situation for them because then they’ll understand!” Naive? Perhaps. Major time suckage? Absolutely. I have since come to a place in myself where I allow people out there to hold whatever conclusions about me that they do, simply because I have things I’d rather be doing with my time than convincing strangers I’m decent.
But key in there, which makes this internet-wide obsession with hate mail so perplexing to me, is that I never felt personally taken down by the nasty messages (and, oh, some have been nasty). Maybe the black-lipstick-wearing teenager is more alive in me than I realized, because I really DO NOT CARE what people think of me. I seriously don’t. If I did, I would never have gone to photography school. I would never have written Eating Gluten Free. I would never have ridden my Vespa across the country by myself. I would never have raised Charlie. My dreams and my selfhood have been demeaned, to my face, by people I cared about and respected, and after that (and getting over that), a stranger’s thoughts have no effect on how I feel about myself, what I believe myself to be.
Many people have emailed me asking what my tattoo says and what it means - it’s on the inside of my wrist and is partially visible in the photo on page 36 of my book. It says “FEVER FATALE.” When I was 21 or so, I wanted to get a tattoo because I wanted to know what it felt like. But I didn’t want to get a tattoo of something that meant something to me, because I thought if I did, I would get bored with it.
So one night, I was sitting in an alley behind a bar at 1 or 2 in the morning, and noticed the words Fever Fatale stenciled with spray paint on the asphalt next to me. “That is what I will get as a tattoo,” I thought, “because I have no idea what it means.” And I did. I got bored with it anyway.
But then, years later when I was living in New York City, my tattoo’s meaning revealed itself to me after a profoundly beautiful encounter with a bum on the Alphabet Streets.
Fever Fatale, literally, means fatal fever. Death by burning. Hell. And I saw time as a landscape, as in Slaughterhouse 5. And I saw how we are so often apt, when someone slights us - whether it be an unkind word or cutting us off at an intersection - to snap at the next person we see, and the negativity is perpetuated, on and on, travelling further and gaining momentum. And I decided to do my best, when on the receiving end of meanness or negativity, to keep it at my wrist, to stop it there instead of passing it on to someone else.
I’m not perfect in this task, but I strive toward this goal. Because really, what is the point of doing otherwise.
I look forward to your thoughts - comments are open.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
What great insight. Thank you for sharing your thoughts (and your life) with us, and kudos for being able to, essentially, “let it go.” That is something I struggled with for years in college and finally came out the other side. I figure it’s not worth the wasted time.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
I applaud you for your authentic life, your authentic expression of self, and your highly evolved emotions. Bravo!
September 20th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
ooh… comments are open! Cool! Here’s my comment(s):
Doesn’t it feel good to leave the negative behind and continue on thinking only the positive? It used to be a challenge for me, only finding the positive… but now it’s easy to find something good in anything. Negative stuff just brings you dowwwwnn. Don’t waste any energy on it, that’s my theory.
It took me until I was over 40! before I decided I didn’t give a hoot what people thought about me anymore. Ahhhhh so freeing when I didn’t care anymore! I wish I had felt this way when I was way younger.
Things I wish hadn’t taken me so long to learn: Be yourself. You are wonderful, no matter who you are. You are one-of-a-kind and unique beyond belief. You are just right, just the way you are.
Things I wish others would learn and practice: Be Nice to Folks. Remember the Golden Rule? Do Unto Others as you want them to Do Unto You, or something like that. Live it. Practice it when driving… and smile! Everyone loves a smile, they are contagious.
Thanks for a great blog!
September 20th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
I don’t have much else to say other than I think you are an amazing person. Thank you for sharing your life and your insights with all of us! (:
September 20th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
I love swimming. I have spent the last 25 years of my life NOT swimming because of how I look in a bathing suit. The fear of other people’s judgement kept me away from the water. About a month ago, I literally woke up one day and did not care anymore. I have been swimming 3-4 times a week since then, sad that I have wasted the last 25 years but SO happy to be in the water again. The interesting thing is that nobody seems to care what I look like anyway.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Great post. I venture to say that your ability to not take nasty messages personally goes beyond not caring what others think of you. Based on the parts of you that you share in your books and on your blogs, you strike me as someone who is very grounded in who you are and very sure of your place in the world - which is different from just not caring what others think of you. It’s valuing who you are, and being at home with yourself. And that, I think, is true wisdom. You are fortunate that you have come to this at such a young age (and perhaps, judging by a quick glance at your grandmother’s blog, it’s also something that’s in your genes).
September 20th, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Ooh - an open comment. Actually, I have nothing to say about hate comments. Hate happens. I’m glad you have developed a sane method for coping with it.
Mostly I wanted to request more Daisy photos. For whatever reason, I seem to have developed a deep affection for Daisy.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Shreve,
The photo says it all to me. The pine twigs relate to “Stick and stones ….” and the beauty of the lichens growing out of the sticks shows the victory over meanness etc.
I am so glad to know that you didn’t wait until you are as old as I am to learn these truths. It took me a lot longer. Welcome to the club!
September 20th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Great post, Shreve. You’re absolutely right — it’s very easy to perpetuate negativity. I too do my best to keep frustrations to myself. And really, that’s what I expect of others in return. It’s simply selfish and to let your emotions take control and make innocent bystanders pay for things they have nothing to do with.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
Thank you. I just posted something akin to this on my own blog and not a day later (today) I was given a blow of ‘net based negativity. Your post has really captured what I needed to hear and will give me the confidence to deal with future correspondence. Thanks!
September 20th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Glad to read your thoughts. I read a book recently that said, essentially, “you get more of what you focus on.” So focusing on negativity only increases its abundance in our lives, but vice versa, focusing on positivity and feeling good just creates more of that for us!
I’m working hard at being able to let things go in my life right now… I’ve got a lot of negativity thrown my way as a result of my personal injury lawsuit, but I can’t dwell. I got hurt, yeah, and people are mean and don’t understand, but oh well. People can always be mean and not understand. My only job is to know ME, who I am and what I did or didn’t do. Thanks for the reminder.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Wow. I had no idea about Dooce’s new site, as I’m not a regular reader. What an interesting concept, though not one I’m inclined to participate in.
I adore your grandmother’s blog, though. I love hearing people of wiser generations telling tales about the old days and personal experiences- I always learn something!
As always, I am such a big supporter of what you have done and are doing.
I’m glad you opened comments so that I had the opportunity to say these things. I can’t always find your email address and I fail to save it when I do! Also, I recently set my blog to private, invite only, so if you want in, you’re welcome to email me. I know you’re busy and can’t possibly keep up with ever fan/blog reader. Still, I appreciate your books, your work, your Tweets and your blog posts! and what a neat idea for a tattoo! I used to want one, but never had an idea I considered good enough to make that permanent. I no longer want one, but can always appreciate a well-placed bit of wisdom.
And I second the person who mentioned the Golden Rule! AMEN! I’m not into hate mail or blog hate or internet bullying or any of that, but having recently experienced my own version of such things, I can relate all too well.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Excellent, Shreve. I have comcluded that there are simply some posts that do not warrant a response. Those who post hate or email hate are, simply stated, without a life.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Thank you…..for everything. You unfailingly make me smile and marvel and think and……….well, thank you!
September 20th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
life is entirely too short to waste time on people who are miserable or sad or jealous. i’m happy for you that you aren’t stressing over negativity.
peace.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
p.s. i love your gram’s website. thanks for turning us on to her!
September 20th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
IMHO, yours is the only rational way to deal with internet negativity. Because you can’t stop it, and you can’t fix it, because it’s not YOUR problem to fix.
Just let it roll off and be on its way.
Thank you for the time you take on your blog and on your photography and your animals. My life is richer because of you.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Well, I’m obviously not doing well in the blogging world…never gotten hate mail…spam, yes and plenty of it, but no hate mail.
What bothers me the very most about all of this - whether it’s hate mail/words directed at individual bloggers, politicians, just plain folk - is it usually means whomever is spewing hasn’t bothered to truly read all the words written/spoken and then comprehend those words. I have no problem with someone having a different point of view, I have a HUGE problem with them spewing their negative vitriol without really knowing what their ~target~ has said.
Tolerance…
September 20th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
Positivity, our mantra
September 20th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
The past year, for me, has been a long, winding path to letting things roll off my back, not touch me and hurt me the way they did a year ago - I am not so much a different person as a GROWN person compared to who I was last year. I had the face-to-face hate, and it really, really broke me as a person. I wanted to lash out, crush, ruin, like I had been ruined. I wanted people to understand how unfair and mean people were and how cruel it was. I was never a ‘danger to myself,’ like the accusations that flew implied, but part of me died to protect myself from hurting anymore. That part of me rose from the ashes this summer, and I hadn’t realized how much I Missed being *whole* until I healed.
So I can understand Dooce making the hate site. To share, to explain, to maybe, just maybe, get people to SEE and UNDERSTAND. But as someone who HAS sent e-mails that have been interpreted as hate mail, and who has thought I got hate mail only to find out that it was sarcasm, her hate site makes me hesitate to contact her at all. Makes me hesitate to say ‘good job!’ or ‘that sounds like it sucked!’ because I don’t want to end up being lumped in with all the hate. E-mail is not a dialogue, and the anger that she has been unleashing on anyone who has commented against her or her site lately seems so vicious that it quiets me, makes me afraid to say anything. I can understand wanting to let others see the stupidity of others, but it seems like the site achieves nothing but encouraging the hate and meanness and the pettiness that is already prevalent enough. Sharing the hate mail isn’t going to stop it. It’s just going to make people like me, who use the internet to remind us that the world doesn’t completely suck and isn’t full of horrible, mean people, stop reading or stop commenting or reaching out to say thank you.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
I keep the phrase in my head: “You’d care lots less about what other people thought about you when you realize how little they do”. In a culture that is obsessed with self it should be no surprise why some (ok, many) people immediately gravitate towards negativity in others. It is what they are not facing in themselves that drives them. Sometimes I feel sorry for them; mostly I try to practice tolerance and understanding that as you so perfectly stated: you simply can’t be responsible for what others think.
September 20th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
OHHH… We almost got here in our conversation the other day… I felt we left that hanging “have you ever gotten a bad comment on your blog”… but I think we were interrupted!
(I have wondered about your tattoo, too, hey, now I know!) I’m not where I want to be with criticism… used to be I couldn’t leave it alone… I would ruin a day wondering how I could “fix” it. But yes, at 40, I decided to take more of a ” I can’t let them ruin my days” attitude. In the past year, with what I’ve been through, it has gotten even easier to let it go. I don’t think I pass it on… but it does still bother me. I want people to be happy. I want to please. You have an attitude that is far beyond where I was at your age! I LOVE talking to you… to your enthusiasm… to your wonder… to your perceptions of this life and lifestyle out here in the boonies… that’s why we talk more of things besides the weather! I am glad to count you as my friend… and glad to share you with these fans of yours… who but get a glimpse of the person you really are!
September 20th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
I admit that initially I was skeptical…a friend said, I’m reading this blog about a woman who is raising a coyote and I thought to myself, wild animals should not be raised in domesticity.
But I started reading your blog and kept an open mind. I have tremendous respect for the commitment you’ve made and I’m thrilled to see how your family has grown and to learn more about your life in Wyoming.
I’m with you. We each have our own path. If the people I love don’t understand, it’s not my problem. I’m just trying to be the best human being I can. Same with you, I think…And as far as strangers judging, some people have nothing better to do. Shame they waste their time sending hate your way.
Thank you for being so open. Much love to you and yours.
@fauna
September 20th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
I remember some of the responses to your blog early on (when you still had comments enabled). While my initial reaction was “wow, these people are nuts” and also “I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night having read what these people are saying”, it wasn’t until I read your book that I grokked it enough to change my own behavior.
With the additional backstory, the judgments become so completely irrelevant. And it made me look really hard at all the times I’ve judged others for their behavior and decisions, and realize how little backstory I had in those instances. If you’re not living it, you just don’t know. It has also helped me master some of my own social anxiety, and to pay more attention to what my authentic response/needs/desires are in a given situation, rather than trying so hard to guess what OTHER people think those things should be for me.
So thank you for doing your thing, I find it constantly inspiring.
Gwen
September 20th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
I had a guy get mad at me a while back. If he had threatened me, I could accept it and go on. But he threatened my dogs, and I can’t let that go. Meanwhile, I do have a problem with ignoring what people think of me, so thanks for your post. It helps.
September 20th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
It’s sad, really, when you think that there are those so unhappy in this world with their own life that in order to make themselves feel better, they have to find someone to knock down. The difference is if you let them knock you down. Good for you, girl, for continuing to stay positive and doling out positivity. You are wearing your armor on your wrist! I have my tattoo on the inside of my right wrist. It is the ancient Gaelic symbol representing the Holy Trinity. Thanks to your description, I too, will now let it catch the bad, the ugly and the negative before it hits me….and I always strive not to unleash it on someone else. Please give Charlie a scritch behind the ears for us who love what you are doing for him and clearly, what he is doing for you in your life!
September 20th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
People spew hate because they hate themselves. One cannot live life trapped in the opinions of others. I repsect your site, your ideals, your work ethic and your love of animals!
No hate here!
September 20th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
“It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for who you are not!”
September 20th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Thank you for expressing such an original way to deal with hate and negativity. I won’t get a tattoo, but I am inspired to have such energy stop at me. Thank you again. mb
September 20th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
Wonderful post. I think that there are people out there who are hurting so much and who are so unhappy that they can’t stand to see others content and at peace. Some of those people may be malicious and violent, but I think the majority of them are just negative and have been that way so long that they don’t know how to be positive any more. Unfortunately, they still want to comment! I think you’ve taken a wonderful position of stopping that negativity and not letting it take root in you or on your blog. Good for you!
My blog is not widely read so I don’t have the problem with comments that you do. But I’m about to have some photos on display for a lot of people to see and I’m feeling very vulnerable about that. I’m going to remember your post and your tattoo and I’m going to keep the negative comments out of my heart. Constructive criticism is fine, but negativity is out.
Thank you again for sharing your life and your farmily. You and Charlie and the gang have opened wonderful discussions in our house!
September 20th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
I’m glad you can brush off the hate mail so easily. In a way, I look forward to receiving my first hate mail, because it will mean (I assume) that I have accomplished something “worth hating.” But of course I don’t look forward to it because I’m a sensitive person full of warm fuzziness on the inside. (Only half-kidding.)
I mean, I knew Heather and Jon received hate mail. Of course I knew that. She’s made fun of some of it before. But when I read through the 10+ pages of dooce.com/hate that first went up, I felt overwhelmed. And those comments weren’t even directed at me! But for human beings to say and think and feel those things about other human beings — people they don’t even know — it’s just… so sad. For humanity.
I hope one day I can learn to be thicker skinned. But even more than that, I hope one day people can learn what a waste of time it is to hate and hurt others.
September 20th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
No hate here either. Just an old saying that always stuck with me. ABOVE…
I think it is great that you are living your life the way YOU want to, so many people are unhappy stuck in jobs they dont like in relationships they hate, because they are to close minded to change and to live life the way it should be lived.
I am a complete country girl, I have a horse, 2 dogs and a cat. I think life is soooo much richer with my animals, they are my best friends, they never judge or talk crap to me and if they do get lippy it is cute, I know that they love me.
People are so quick to hate or judge what they don’t know.
My dad found your book, Daily Coyote and said “Joy you are going to love this book” And I did I read it in one day! And I am not a reader. Good job and stay true to your self!!
September 20th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
Open Comments yay. I have to agree with Ingrid. You have a unique sense of self and it is a friend to you in a big way. It seems not that you don’t care..just that you are grounded and can put the negativity in perspective. Is it me or does it seem that hate is more prevalent now than ever? Especially when folks can do it online with no accountability whatsoever.
As for the tattoo I think it is not a cooincidence as far as the content. I am a firm believer in all things happening for a reason.
September 20th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
You rule, Shreve. Plain and simple. Thank you for sharing your insights. They mean a lot to me.
September 20th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Thank you for sharing that with everyone! I admire you, your blog, and wish I could be so strong.
September 20th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
I’m so glad that you don’t care what we think, so that you can share with us your extraordinary life and companions without qualms. Thank you for inspiring us to live authentically and giving us tools to deal with the consequences. Of course it goes without saying that the photographs and Charlie are truly magical and I’m so grateful that you share both with us. Thanks for being who you are.
September 20th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Shreve, being true to YOURSELF is the most important and lasting thing you can do. No matter what other people think.
Those who hate are lacking in many things, self-esteem being the biggest. Nothing any of us can do about that. They will be miserable all their lives.
I personally think you are amazing and applaud all you accomplish. You always seem so happy to wake up each day. And that gives me inspiration. Being proud of your life and the choices you make will serve you well all your life. I, also, could give a rat’s ass what people think of me….it’s what I think of myself. And I’m happy with that. So, you just keep on being your wonderful self and sharing with us which will in turn enrich OUR lives. For that….I thank you!
September 20th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
It’s a helluva revelation in your life when you finally realize that the opinions others have about you don’t matter, only yours does. You got to your personal revelation sooner than I did, but I finally arrived there myself. It felt good.
I think it’s a remarkable achievement. And I’m pleased it happened while I’m still young enough to enjoy the benefits of such an attitude.
And even though my opinion has no bearing on you at all (as it need not), I have to say I have a great deal of respect and admiration for you. You go, girl!
September 20th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Dear Shreve~
I think that you are one of the most inspiring, interesting, respectable and amazing people on the face of the Earth. I think that spreading your message the way you do, kindly, not rudely, not attempting to force your opinion down anyone’s throat, really makes you wise. I really do believe in what you’ve just written (and slightly dissected), in a whole, the golden rule we were all taught about in kindergarten. Treat others the way you would want to be treated, and yet, as we get older, the message loses it’s power. We don’t think about it anymore. When we’re on the computer talking to people loses it’s warmth and personal touch and we become cold robots in a way. You think less about what you’re saying, because why should you care? You’ll most likely never meet them, never recieve any real punishment, and you’re not in person to feel the hurt you’ve inflicted. If people could just realize that the person on the other side of the monitor is just as alive as they are, the internet would be a better place. Though not everyone will realize that, or care about that, it’s still important and I greatly admire you for writing what you have, and allowing comments.
Sincerely,
The Mraziac~ ♥
September 20th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Time is precious; the day’s energy is finite. Your accomplishments are evidence enough that you are not wasting your energy on useless pursuits such as hate mail and judgment. Along with your many fans, I get much joy from those photos you post. Thanks for bringing joy to my life!
Becki
September 20th, 2009 at 9:57 pm
I will try to do this myself. Stop. Refuse to personalize someone else’s pain. A wise path.
September 20th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
I love the idea of the tattoo on your wrist as a reminder to let the negativity stop there.
Whether something I’ve said, done or how I choose to live my life has been misunderstood, there are so many other joyful options with which to occupy my mind and time than worrying about it. I will admit to making a bit of an effort if someone has questioned something considerately - otherwise, there is a trash can, delete key, etc.
I still struggle at times with initially spending too much time being irked and I work on being more compasionnate.
I have no use for venomous hate mail or comments and I don’t know anything about Dooce’s “new” (?) site - I don’t read her original any more. I know there are times for righteous anger and for standing up for oneself, but generally speaking I believe that the adage, “If you don’t have something nice to say, say nothing” works quite well most of the time.
I appreciate that you opened the topic. I have appreciated in the past that you have shared the different ways people have communicated with you when they have a question about a choice you have made. Words are powerful and we are each responsible for the ones we choose to use as well as how we react to those we hear.
Sincerely,
Ann Summers
September 20th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Hanging on with hope.
(love the post too)
September 20th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
You provoke thought within your readers so eloquently and for that I applaud you. That is not easily achieved. Oh, and I wholeheartedly agree with your approach of what others think, and for some strange reason, I LOVE THE TATTOO!!
September 20th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Crap - I forgot to sign in before I wrote: You provoke thought within your readers so eloquently and for that I applaud you. That is not easily achieved. Oh, and I wholeheartedly agree with your approach of what others think, and for some strange reason, I LOVE THE TATTOO!!
I also forgot to mention that I love the pic!
September 20th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
i really can’t imagine what people find to say negatively about you. . . and i really admire you for your attitude. . . the words of hate that are sent are all about the people who send them and has nothing to do with you. . .you have a wonderful life and it’s a fantastic thing that you have raised Charlie !!!. . . .love all the pics and hearing about your life!!
September 20th, 2009 at 10:33 pm
I to just let the negativity roll off of me. I personally worry more about what my dogs think of me, than anyone else.
Thank you for sharing your words with us.
September 20th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Wise thinking. Just be grateful that you do not have to live with, associate with or remain related to someone who thrives on hate or hurting others. Our lives are what we make of them, and just because someone else has failed in their life or emotional development it doesn’t give them the privilege to be harsh or critical of others.
I think those who are critical of self-sufficient, confident individuals do so out of a lack of self worth. Too bad for them. Every morning I check to see what is new in the lives of Shreve and her farmily - sort of a ritual I guess, but I admire your skills, individualism and love of animals.
As the saying goes: “Live Strong” - this is the only opportunity given to us and it is a shame to waste it.
Happy Elf Legs - toss one at your next critic.
September 20th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
You rock,
Thank you for sharing what you do with us.
Brandon
September 20th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
I understand your point of view, but I also undersand Dooce’s as well. For as much right as you have to your opinion and views, she has the same right.
I think I understand the post, but the point seems to be lost in the smug tone of it.
I appreciate that you can turn your back on vile things said to you; I can also appreciate Dooce feeling the need to out the people who say those same vile thing to her.
I have an enormous amount of respect for you and your life with Charlie, but this post felt out of line.
September 20th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
I think your words are wise and strong.
September 20th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
YAY for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love your attitude, and I will (if I may) take strength from it!!
September 20th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
Great post! I couldn’t agree more. I really love your writing because of your positive attitude. It just makes me happy to read positive things. Nothing good is gained by focusing on negative. That is not how I want to live my life either.
By the way, I got my 13 year old son to read Daily Coyote. He hates to read, but he has loved reading your book. Thank you for sharing a little of yourself with us!
September 20th, 2009 at 11:54 pm
Beautifully handled, beautifully stated. I too love your grandmother’s blog. I’m so glad she lets any negative things roll off her back!
PS. What are you knitting?
September 20th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Like you, when hate happens, I always desire to explain, educate, clarify or expand the hater’s perception. It took me a long time to realize that the other person has to want to have their perception changed. If they’re not open, the explanation falls on dead ears (or eyes, in the case of the Internet). Many people who “hate” are simply doing it for their entertainment. There are cruel people in this world and those types of people just like the attention that rudeness gains them.
However, as you so eloquently pointed out, the one thing a person can change is how you deal with it, how you change your perception or reaction to their nastiness.
I love the story about your tattoo… your openness to new experiences is something I admire and aspire toward. I smiled as I read what you shared because, while I don’t desire a tattoo, I am curious about them… so tell me, did the tattoo hurt?
Also, I still need to see pictures of those baby chicks!
September 21st, 2009 at 12:16 am
Oh, how many times have i allowed myself to be controlled by the need to explain, so that ‘they’ will understand!?! When usually, the ‘they’ isn’t interested in an explaination, but only interested in keeping me on the hook!
Personally, i’m too sticky to dare to try to block anything—better for me to practice what in Tai Chi is called ‘Ward Off’ . Which i don’t always remember to do.
Thanks for the reminders. And for your blog. And for being you.
Love to you and all of yours.
September 21st, 2009 at 12:25 am
Your words and thoughts are so inspiring! Yes, ignore the haters. They’re just people who have nothing better to do with their life except for sitting in front of their computer screens year after year thinking up mean, hateful words to hurt others. I guess they just derive pleasure from seeing their words having an effect on others. So cheers to that black-lipstick-wearing teenager in you!
Remember that your haters are only one in a million of those who read your blog, and the rest just simply adore you (and Charlie, and Chloe, and Eli!). So continue to keep an open mind and laugh at those hilarious and ignorant comments, yes?
On a separate note, I really think Charlie is the ultimate cuteness! You’re one blessed woman and we’re blessed by you as well, for sharing that blessing you have with us. Thank you. (:
September 21st, 2009 at 12:31 am
It was kind of shocking when I first discovered that there were people out there in the world who wanted to hurt me and make me feel bad. That was way back when I was a kid dealing with bullies. I still come across people like that and I’m still shocked when it happens, but it’s really their problem and I almost feel sorry for them. I think they must have alot of pain inside to want to hurt someone else like that. Still doesn’t excuse it but maybe helps let it roll off your back.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I think you are quite awesome! and I just love Charlie. Can’t get enough of him.
Anita
September 21st, 2009 at 1:54 am
I heard this the other day and thought it was pretty good:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt
I must say it struck me because I find myself playing the critic too often. But you’re definitely the doer of deeds, Shreve.
September 21st, 2009 at 2:40 am
and people wonder why I would rather hang out with my animals
then other people! I admire you and look forward to your pictures and twitters daily!
September 21st, 2009 at 2:44 am
Shreve,
It is a both a great pity and great gain, what strength the internet gives us. Anonymity is a pretty powerful thing. Having done much tech support work in my life, I know how empowered people can feel when they don’t believe the other person is real.
You give us reality, in your own SUPREMELY unique way. You show us your take, judging or not, and give us the opportunity to experience something we may have not.
The composition of todays photo is wonderful, I love the stark contrast of colours and the edges to everything … it seems to be all about harsh exteriors, soft underbellies, and new thoughts. Lichen always reminds me of brains
Cheers and good will - you give this world something to think on; a great thing in this day and age. I always look to you for a new perspective.
September 21st, 2009 at 3:00 am
I am impressed with the fact that at such a young age you have the wisdom of a much older person.
Continue to grow and love yourself for who you are.
The Human Animal is one of the most perplexing and frightening of all predators. I never want to hear about the negativity of nature, and in particular the role that four legged predators play.
The most dangerous of all creatures is still Man………and this is both verbally, mentally and physically.
Learning how to cope with such a creature demands intelligence, and the ability to go through your life remaining true to yourself.
Sounds to me like you are on the right track.
September 21st, 2009 at 3:00 am
Bravo. What a supremely simple lesson that is so hard for most of us to learn. Congratulations, and thank you for sharing how you arrived. I hope I can take something away that helps me reach that place also.
September 21st, 2009 at 4:12 am
I agree wholeheartedly. Sometimes I have been tempted to send a reply back to a nasty comment someone made on the internet but I realise that by doing so I’d be giving them the satisfaction that their comment was read and it affected me. I don’t think that they should be given the honour of having their voice heard.
As an aside, it’s funny you chose a pine for today’s post. On my calender today it says
‘The pine tree represents the lasting strength of maturity, the power of virtue to survive despite time and trouble, and the endlessly recycling nature of eternity’
September 21st, 2009 at 4:19 am
Shreve, it’s always been clear from your writing both here and in your book that you are a wise person, and obviously have enough personal strength and self-confidence not to let hate mail bother you. I guess you know very well that hate mail always says more about the sender than the recipient. Hate can be prompted by a lot of things. It can be envy, fear, or often just self-righteous anger and frustration - for example, at the thought that “This person is getting it WRONG, and they don’t KNOW like I do, and I have to TELL them, but they won’t LISTEN to me!” So I try to feel sorry for the ‘haters’ in life.
For myself, I always try to remember this rule : It’s OK to hate the deed, but not the doer. We should try to remember to say to kids, “You just did a silly thing, didn’t you?”, rather than “You are a silly child!” Or, “That was a bad thing to do”, rather than “You are bad”. That way maybe kids won’t grow up to be ‘haters’.
Thank you again for what you give us, your ‘audience’, in allowing us to share your life with Charlie and all your other animals. You lift my heart every day!
September 21st, 2009 at 5:19 am
I check your site daily (often multiple times a day to look back at older posts - i work the night shift, i have to find some way to occupy my free time at work!) and I must agree with all the above comments. You’re wisdom and prose are beyond your years.
The way you handled past criticisms on this site (for example: eli’s testicles, the chimpanzee comments, the wolf attacks, and a lot of others found in the FAQ) should be applauded. You handle the questions deftly, and without accusations, clearly explaining the situation and all it’s facets. And at the same time you show us your human side - the post about unannounced visitors and the stories you share in your book.
I admire you Shreve, and I thank you for sharing with us as much as you do. I devoured your book in a matter of hours and loved it so much that I donated it to my local library so that your story could be shared with many others.
September 21st, 2009 at 5:28 am
Hello, I’ve been following your site for some time now.
I lost my mother on 9/14. We were all each other had.
I would take my work stresses and dump them on her.
She was my sounding board and understood but I still wish I could have rejected it more thoroughly. Your words really speak to me. I need to remeber that I shouldn’t have to convince people that I am decent human being. I’m not the hater and I’ll no longer let them get to me that way. Thank you.
September 21st, 2009 at 5:38 am
I know nothing about Dooce and what it stands for so I can’t give a comment on that “hate-thing”. But I know that I’m happy that I found your Daily Coyote; it has given me more smiles than I can say and I read your grandma’s blog since I’m a Swede and recognice a lot what she is writing about from her childhood in Sweden. She is a remarkable lady and so are you.
About hate in generally it amaces me that we as human people can afford to muster up so much energy to make life miserable for each other because we all want the opposite for ourselves, don’t we? Such as love, joy and happiness and peace. There is always this black demon hiding in us and every time we let it out we shrink as human beings into pityful and useless creatures killing every inch of hunamity and respect that we demand from others. Somebody wiser than all of us said something about throwing the first stone IF we were without sin. That should do the trick to avoid condemning and hating your fellow man.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:25 am
It is my understanding that the things Dooce are publishing are NOT things people have emailed her or even posted on her site- they are taken from a different site where Dooce is going and reading (copy and pasting now.) I went there and did see the things there, so that is true. So really she needs to ignore them. That’s what I would do, instead of letting them get to me- like people sitting and complaining and screaming at a tv program- just like haters- change the station. But now she’s pasting them on her site, so I suppose she enjoys it and it gets her a sympathy card from everyone and now more money. Very wise business move. But it still won’t stop people from writing nasty things on other sites and I suppose she doesn’t want it to stop.
There will always be people out there that are mean and nasty. The thing for an adult to do is ignore them.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:26 am
Your perspective is really interesting. I wish I cared less about what others think about me. However that mostly applies to people in my real life. Anything on the internet should be taken with a grain of salt. The anonymity of it tends to bring out the worst in people (not always but more then it should.) So many people today aren’t held accountable for their actions/words and I think you are very smart for just letting it go.
And obviously, if you look through these comments you will find lots of love and appreciation. There are many of us who love seeing the little slices of your life that you show to us. It seems really amazing and Thank You:)
September 21st, 2009 at 7:48 am
The hate site that Dooce made is not email she recieved, the majority of it that is, it is from a site that disses on bloggers that they feel exploit their kids/family for profit. What people say on that poop site may not be nice and some cruel, but it was not sent to Dooce and Dooce is playing a victim card for more money. Like Monica said- she does not have to go there and she did not have to copy it onto her site. Apparently the sympathy and money is pouring in, so she did make a wise business move.
There will always be mean things said about anyone who is popular. Ask any movie star. Aways. And the correct thing to do would be to ignore them and not invite them in, which is what Dooce did for profit, so I wouldn’t be so sympathetic if I were you.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:51 am
Hi Shreve, I am in total agreement with “Farmer Lady” - although unfortunately, it took me a bit longer than age 40 to feel more confident about myself and not give a hoot what people thought of me. I applaud your self confidence, your life, and your web site. How dare people judge you? Don’t change a thing - and I hope if you ever have children (particularly daughters), that you are able to pass this philosophy on to them so they grow up with a happy and with the confidence to get along with everyone in this world. God knows we need more of that. On that note, be happy yourself!!
September 21st, 2009 at 8:16 am
Shreve,
I dug a little into the Dooce anomosity when I saw some people get up-in-arms about her twitter on Maytag. I was astonished to find the amount of hostility out there toward her, but after thinking about it, I guess it’s to be expected. In a way, it’s really NOT “personal”. People have problems and they take their problems with them everywhere, including the internet. And the anonimity allows them to act out all of their dysfunction. They say things they would never ever say in “real life”, especially in person.
As a veteran of political blogs, I have come to believe that we should not “feed the trolls”. Totally ignoring them disarms them completely. If they get no attention, they eventually give up. While I read Heather’s new “monitizing hate” section with fascination (like looking at the proverbial car wreck) , I really wish she had not created it. These poor souls don’t deserve the last bit of attention from us.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:27 am
I have very little to say other than the old adage “If you don’t have something nice to say” has gone the way of the dinosaur. And that is sad. I make it a point to point out kindness of others. I have taken to filling out comment cards when there is something good to say. My facebook posts are always positive and I refrain from the negative as much as possible.
Shreve - your blogs and Twitters are uplifting - thus the reason why I visit your site daily and encourage others. Keep up the positive movement, I’m behind you 100%.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:31 am
Hi Shreve,
A really positive part of my day is to log into your website for a glimpse of your life through your beautiful photos of the animals and also of the country.
Stay positive and honest to yourself. There are a lot of great people around.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:38 am
Amen, Shreve. So well put, and such a positive way to live your life.
I think the anonymity of the internet facilitates behavior much like some people who, when driving in heavy traffic, cut other people off, curse, even drive dangerously ~ generally act like jerks. Most would never behave the same way if face-to-face with a real person. Same for the internet.
In a way it’s rather cowardly, and in a way it’s rather sad. Living in a bubble like we do so much more these days than in times past, we become disconnected from real people in our cars, homes, on the internet, and it seems to bring out the worst in some, and reduces their compassion? empathy? tolerance? acceptance? respect? maybe all of these, and then some.
Bravo to you; your post and your outlook are wonderfully confident, and strong. I enjoy your photos, and blog. Thanks!
September 21st, 2009 at 8:48 am
Thanks for mentioning your grandmother’s blog - I love all I have read so far!
September 21st, 2009 at 8:49 am
Thank you for the reminder that we are in control of how negativity affects us. As always, I am grateful for your presence in this world. You are truly special for sharing your gifts of talent and light. Best, Victoria
September 21st, 2009 at 8:51 am
Shreve,
I read Dooce.com daily. I think Heather Armstrong is a very talented and generous woman. She has no problem, and does this quite often, suggesting others to benefit from her popularity. That’s how I found you and if we added up all the other entrepreneurs she has suggested, I am sure they have benefitted quite nicely too.
I have one saying that means more to me than many others. It just says it all.
“Revenge and bitterness are like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”.
Those thoughts hurt absolutley no one else but you. Change your thinking, change your life.
September 21st, 2009 at 9:07 am
I run a website & I get my fair share of angry emails. I had a slew last week from one member that cursed me up one side & down the other.
What helps me tremendously is remembering the part of the book “The Four Agreements” that deals with this. Sometimes a person’s take on you - especially a vile, insulting one - has nothing to do with you. It’s all about the other person. It does me no good to rent space in my head to someone else’s issues.
Learning to take that lesson on board has made a huge difference in how I do my job AND how I walk away from it at the end of the day.
September 21st, 2009 at 9:14 am
Last week I felt prompted, as I rarely do, to add a comment to the BBC website regarding President Carter’s comment about racism. As I looked at other people’s comments I was stunned by the vitriol and hatred.
I am both amazed and saddened by how much hatred we bear each other when we’re all we’ve got. All we have is each other.
I hope that we can teach these people’s hearts by examples such as those you yourself set, Shreve. Thank you for your wonderful and transparent Spirit. Blessings.
September 21st, 2009 at 9:24 am
Friends of mine turned me on to this site almost a year ago. I caught up on the archives in less than a day and I’ve come here to check up on Charlie as it were every day since.
Like several others have mentioned, I too have a problem with worrying over what others think of me. In my case not so much on the Internet, but living crammed into a house never meant to hold two families, and trying to keep our respective elbows to ourselves…well it raises the probability of nasty encounters and hateful words being exchange. A lot.
And in my case I tend to anticipate the hate, and get defensive and mean before anyone has even said a word to me!
Your comment about stopping the negativity at the wrist is so insightful. You’ve given me a new coping method, something new to think about, and maybe I, too, can strive even more towards that goal. I’ve admired you and your dedication to Charlie for a year now - and that admiration just went up a notch.
Thank you so much for being a wildflower in the midst of the battlefield of this modern day life. We all have our individual battles, but sharing our strength is the best thing we can do.
Sonja-Hawk
September 21st, 2009 at 9:36 am
This is my first posting on your blog(which I read and look forward to daily)
This entry meant the world to me. While I do not get “hate mail” My world, no actually my life choices of the last 7 years, was recently called into question by a complete stranger. And I was amazed and sickened by how much I let that persons words diminish me. Crush me.
You see. I have been a SAHM for the last 7 years. And it has not been “easy” in any way.
My daughter was a surprise to us. I had recently been told I could not have a child, when I took a pregnancy test and found I was pregnant. The pregnancy was not easy. And knowing she was going to be my only child I made the choice to stay home with her. Well that plus I worked over an hour from home and couldnt afford daycare closer to work. So I left my career. Now. I didnt sit on my ass eating bon bons. I sold my car. We still had my husbands. We cut WAY back on “things” I sold my horse at the time. Things went unpaid. Things suffered.
I tried to help out financially and got my daycare license. I began a small company. I worked my tail of AND raised my daughter while my husband worked LONG days.
Now that she is in school and my husband working from home I decided to go back to work full time. The house needs a roof. I am going to be 40 and want to be “me” again. Not just “mom” I want things for myself and my family. Of course I decide this during the worse recession since the depression! LOL. But I went to a staffing agency and began the search. After several months of workign with an agency. Testing, having a agent “fix” my resume. I got an interview for a job I could do with my eyes closed.
Only to be told that same morning that I didnt get “the job” because I had been a SAHM the last 7 years.
Never mind the accomplishments of getting my daycare license and jumping through all the hoops involved there. Or opening a decently successful online business. Both of which were on my resume’. No. None of that mattered. Being told that none of it mattered, made me question every decision I had made from the moment I found out I was pregnant. “Why did I have her?” “Why didnt I put her in a daycare anyway?” “Why had I bothered at all with any thing I had done?” All that I was proud of! A stranger made me doubt and feel badly about. My daughter is in first grade and is reading at third grade level. She was the only kid in the entire KG last year to NOT have a note sent home from the teacher about her behavior.
Thank you for your post Shreve. I feel empowered again.
Give the crew a hug from me.
September 21st, 2009 at 9:37 am
Just like most things in life, hate is a circle. Luckily its a circle that can be shattered when one of its contributors decide to stop.
It takes the right person to stop the circle of hate by not reacting hatefully back. You are blessed to be one of these people.
September 21st, 2009 at 10:03 am
I stumbled upon your site accidentally one day, which led to my reading your book and following your blog. You are now constantly inspiring me with your art and attitude…thank-you for sharing yourself!!
September 21st, 2009 at 10:17 am
To be authentic, live consciously and conscientiously is admirable and I try to do the same. It is not easy and we are all human — the negativity, feelings of fear and anger — get us all from time to time. It is a very brave and bold thing that you do here. And as long as you feel okay with yourself — that you feel grounded in your own skin — that is the best barometer of how you are living your life. Not what someone else believes to be true. Because we all bring our own history, beliefs, fears, memories, hopes and disappointments to the party.
September 21st, 2009 at 10:22 am
`Morning Shreve,
Just reading all of the above comments, makes me feel proud of all that you do and have done, and I don`t even know you. Your pictures every day, bring a sense of wonder to me, for your insight, your eloquence with words, and your just being who you are.
That anyone could send or even think hate for someone or anyone as beautiful inside as out as you, must have grown up in such the same way. To live with hate, is an incredibly unhappy person.
Staying true to yourself and your family , friends and farmily is what you must do. There are so many of us out here who care, so Kudos to you Shreve!
Please keep up your great work, and could we see some more pictures of Daisy, and your new mare.
Thanks again so very much
Holly.
September 21st, 2009 at 10:25 am
darn. i was hoping to find a post from dooce.
i read/love both your sites. ying and yang, which, as you know, is essential to living.
i think her hate site is very tongue in cheek and i applaud her.
i love your life, your approach and your serendipity. we are much alike, although i’ve never raised a wild animal (children don’t count) but you’ve never been a Marine (yes, i’m a woman).
your tattoo is applaudable. i now have step kids, the paragraph explaining fatal fever describes life with them. i think i will copy it out and post it on the fridge.
“A root of bitterness defieleth many” the ‘eth’ in any word means current and ongoing. bitterness is anger and unforgiveness to the ninth degree.
the fatal fever.
September 21st, 2009 at 10:27 am
I spend way more than 15 minutes on the internet, and I have no idea who this Dooce is, let alone her new site, or whatever.
Anyway, good post.
September 21st, 2009 at 10:28 am
So true. All that matters is that you know who you are and that you stay true to yourself and the ones you care about. Anyone who is spewing hatred is projecting their own issues. Amazing and sad how people can get so bitter and vile about someone they don’t even know personally. Such a waste of energy and resources…
You must all have to grow really tough skin. Even if it has gotten easier, it must have been frustrating and/or hurtful at first to have to prove yourself to people who don’t even care to really try to understand.
September 21st, 2009 at 10:43 am
Well done most people take much longer to get to “I really don’t care what people think of me” Myself it took until past my 50th birthday. It isn’t the same as I really don’t give a sh*** most of us do care we just believe that if someone has a problem with me and any or everything I do that is their problem not mine.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:06 am
Shreve — I look forward to your posts every day — in fact that is the first site I open every morning! You are truly a breath of fresh air! Unfortuntely, I believe that hate is on the rise in our country — not sure if it’s because we have gotten so big and so complex that people have lost touch with their roots and what is truly important during our time here. It’s a shame that more people aren’t educated using the Native American beliefs and particularly that we should leave this world a better place than we found it! You will never know what a wonderful, powerful, positive impact you have had and continue to have on thousands and thousands of people around the world by sharing your story and your life. Although many of us strive to not sweat the small stuff — because it’s all small stuff, it is hard. Some people have said you have learned to not care — I think it’s that you still care, but have learned ignore the negative and focus on the positives in your life. To those people who write hate mail or live negative lives, it’s their burden and their choice. Thanks for the joy you give me by posting your photos and stories!
September 21st, 2009 at 11:10 am
LOVE hearing all your individual stories and insights - thank you so much for sharing them.
Aisha ~ re/ your twitter, you make perfect sense.
Jeff ~ LOL re/ the elf leg!
Della ~ I just finished a thick, hefty cowl to wear over my deerskin tunic when milking Daisy this winter - made from 100% wool and handspun alpaca which I got from the lovely lady who spun Charlie’s wool for me last year.
Jammie J ~ I think there are two distinct camps re/ tattoo pain - those who think it hurts and those who kinda like it. I kinda like it. If I hadn’t been a starving artist (ie, broke) and so vain about my skin, I would have been tempted to cover large areas of my body w/ tats.
Jonathan ~ Roosevelt has the greatest quotes.
Maya ~ what is this calendar? I love the pine tree bit!
And… I will make Daisy, Flicka (my mare), and baby chick pictures a priority this week!
xo S.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:23 am
“time as a landscape”
That line smacked me upside the head so hard that my eyes popped open.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:26 am
Love this, Shreve!
I find that the opposite is also true — kindnesses, generosity, and gratitude to strangers and loved ones is perpetuated, on and on, travel far and build in momentum.
It’s most difficult right after being squashed like an ant by someone’s meanness, but it’s possible to remember that the act speaks volumes about the person acting and nothing at all about the person being acted upon.
In the morning before I arise, I think of who I can help lift up this day…
Then I turn on my computer and get lifted up by you and yours. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Sweet Heart for your generous spirit and loving ways.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:26 am
Your words and photos always make me feel calmer and more at peace. Today I really needed it. I find the way you live your life to be extremely inspiring; to live exactly the way you want to, without regard to the norms that keep most people from doing what they really want to do. Too often, I feel like my (fairly simple) dreams are out of reach, and it’s always nice to have that reminder that only I have the power to either make them happen or let them pass me by. Thank you.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:29 am
Hi Shreve,
I check your blog every day for your beautiful photos. Thank you for sharing the lovely simplicity of your vision. I have a tattoo on my left forearm that reads “Next” to remind me to move on, not get stuck in any moment, there is always something next. And I truly believe what other people say about you has to do with themselves and nothing about you. We are all reflections to each other and we see ourselves wherever we look. If the view is nasty, there is nastiness within. When we focus on the beauty, we allow our own beauty to come forth.
Best regards,
Rebecca
September 21st, 2009 at 11:32 am
Shreve
I suppose I have written you enough that you’ve realized I am a Christian, which says my perspective will be from the right. God is love, satan is hate. Your tattoo is a great focus point. I have a ring with a cross on it that I use in a similar way. The fact is however, you have a loving heart and hate can’t get where love is. I’m sure the hate mail is a tiny fraction compared to all the love mail you get as shown in all these posts. That’s because you sew love for other peope, and all God’s creatures, therefore you harvest what you sew. Fact is every once in a while the devil will try to sneak in there and throw you off track and you capture the old buzzard in a tattoo. That’ great. Shreve, I have a daily prayer journal and for well over a year now you and your clan have been in it, which means I pray for you everyday. Now I know you and I don’t completely agree along these lines, but I know the Creator of all that is gave you a special gift and an extra measure of love, and you generously share what was given.
God Bless You
Tigeron
P.S. Now I’ll, wait on my hate mail.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:39 am
As I have gotten older and myself back, my quick knee-jerk reactions/judgements/critiques are just as often followed by my instantaneous “little voice” reminding me that I don’t know their story and therefore have no basis to judge. I am friendlier, more open, less worried (or caring) about what others think, thanks to my “little voice”. And life has become so much better.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:48 am
Love your post-especially the tatoo stuff. I took me quite a few years to actually get my tattoo. I knew I wanted one but didn’t know what. I certainly didn’t want something generic. I wanted it to be specific to my personality and something very important to me. I just found a wonderful artist who did a portrait of my cat on my back. I’m thrilled with it and since it’s on my back I think I won’t tire of it as quickly.
Elyse
September 21st, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Your insight into yourself is one of those things that sets you apart, Shreve– not only your self-awareness, but your experiences, have clearly helped you to be everything you are.
I commend you. Not that you need the validation, but I really, truly hope that others achieve the sense of peace you have within yourself.
Cher
September 21st, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Thank you for sharing your adventures. Ever since I found your site over a year ago, I’ve been enjoying my regular dose of daily coyote. I am baffled by peoples obsessive-compulsive need to spew their hate all over you. They must be filled to the brim with manure.
September 21st, 2009 at 12:21 pm
I love your comment about your tattoo. I, too, have one that didn’t really have special meaning for me until much later. Thank you for sharing that with us.
I’m sure it has already been said, but for every hater out there, you probably have a hundred more supporters. I truly appreciate what you do. And even though I know nothing about you or the big picture of your life, I wanted you to know that your work and your writing has truly inspired me, as it has inspired others who have commented here before me. Thank you for that.
September 21st, 2009 at 12:35 pm
I’ve been studying this knee-jerk reaction of hate for a while. It’s related to the same psychological system behind language, imagination, and empathy–projection. “Hate”–better termed “rejection”–is as natural and autonomous as breathing or vomiting.
Normally, rejection does not need to be displayed. Everyone has learned to gloss over small threats to identity, like advertisements. But if the stimulus is strong enough, the rejection must be projected.
It’s part of our genetic code to publicly display our affinity for or revulsion to certain things. This trait is what has allowed us to form groups with like-minded people for thousands of years, creating solidarity in young societies. Hateful comments not only repulse those who we are not like, but also attract those who may share our view. This is similar to the function of the come-ons that start “Am I the only one who…”
In fact, this trait is so well-integrated into human psychology, that we are able to “hate” and “love” without needing to think about it. It is an efficient machine of maintenance of the identity. Even when we reject a single person in a non-public space, such as a hateful e-mail, the rejection clearly conveys the message that “there’s someone out there that doesn’t like me.” This bit of knowledge acts like a psychological time-bomb or virus that can re-convey the message in blog posts like this very one, passing on the original message to a final large audience. Again, this is so well-integrated, we don’t have to consciously plan this.
September 21st, 2009 at 12:36 pm
A recent study points that the internet amplifies our behavior, like if we’re introverted it makes us worse, if we’re and exhibitionist, it makes us worse and so on. People think that the annonymity of the internet allows them to say what they wouldn’t dare to peoples faces. Its too bad that this is what is happening to people.
Keep daring to put youself out there!!!
September 21st, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Anytime you put yourself out in public - especially with a popular blog - you open yourself to both positive AND negative feedback. I never could understand why you disabled comments last year. I read a lot of blogs, and this one seems to have overwhelming support from readers here, with only occasional negative or ignorant comments. I thought maybe you lumped all comments that were even slightly critical with the ignorant haters. But hey, blogs are a personal thing. You gotta do what you gotta do.
September 21st, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Wow, Shreve!!! I live in a big city and I liken your philosophy to this: waiting at a red stoplight, waiting for it to turn green so I can go. The light turns green and a pedestrian starts to cross the street where I wanted to turn. The person in the car behind me can’t see the pedestrian I’m waiting for and thinks I’m dawdling so honks at me, expecting me to drive the way HE wants to drive or the way HE thinks I should drive. Wow again!!!
I feel fortunate to share your life with you and your farmily and thank you for all your generosity…it takes time and time is forever precious because we get each moment of life only once. Thank you for saving Charlie’s life and for caring for all of your “babies”…Ranger, Daisy, Baby Bull Calf, Eli, Charlie and Chloe. Thank you for enriching the lives of all of us who care about you and all that you do. We are forever in your debt.
September 21st, 2009 at 12:55 pm
I love your blog and look forward to reading about and seeing your beautiful pictures of Charlie. I am often moved by your comments and stories and really find it an uplifting experience to be privy to what you choose to share with us — a bunch of strangers. You rock! Thanks.
September 21st, 2009 at 12:56 pm
It honestly boggles my mind that anyone could send you nasty remarks about what you’ve written on this blog. To me, it’s a celebration of the greatest things in life on this earth, and I mean that in the most metaphysical way possible. What’s there to hate? Honestly!
As a nearly-30-year-old who also used to wear black lipstick (Channel Vamp, actually), and declare that I didn’t care what anyone thought of me, I find that I didn’t really mean it then, but I do really mean it now. It’s nice to feel a depth of feeling behind that sentiment.
So, bravo. Keep it up. Keep it real. Keep loving that wonderful coyote. Maybe the haters are just jealous that they don’t have a coyote to love.
September 21st, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I LOVE your blog. One of the first things I do every morning is look for Charlie. I think you have a beautiful life and as long as you think you do that is all that matters. I think my favorite may be pics of Daisy, she’s so lovely. Thanks for letting me be a part of you and your family……
September 21st, 2009 at 1:13 pm
My daughter-in-law has
‘practice tolerance’ on her letterhead. I think it’s a lovely thought.
September 21st, 2009 at 1:18 pm
I spend a lot of time on the internet, but I’ve never heard of Dooce. But I don’t want to visit hate sites, so I think I’ll avoid hers. Charlie and Chloe and Eli and Daisy and the calf and the horses (oh, and Shreve!) are way better folks to spend my time with. (with whom to spend my time, for you
English teachers out there).
September 21st, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Wow! What a beautiful way to put it! I just wanted to say that I stop by your site every few days and I always get a smile out of it. Please just keep doing what your doing regardless of any negative people out there. Thanks to you and your whole furry family!
September 21st, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Incredible. I wish your essay on da hate were read from the rafters all across the world. You have evolved, or perhaps you were simply born this way, to where I strive to be. How can we encourage others to travel this way in their life instead of clawing, yammering, yelling, etc. over others along their way? I’m truly going to ‘pass this on’….
September 21st, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Shreve, you are so right. No matter who you are, if you’re writing a blog there is always someone ready to send hate mail, no matter how reasonable and well-intentioned you are.
I run a blog about computer ergonomics and avoiding repetitive stress injuries and pain. I started it after going through an episode of pain myself, and I wanted to share all the information I’d learned from my physical therapists, acupuncturists, and other medical experts. I thought I could take my own terribly painful experience, and turn it into something positive, to help give others the information that was lacking out there on the net. (It’s at rsihealer.com, for anyone who needs that kind of info).
Of course right after I put up my web site and started to write articles, I got one or two comments telling me I had no qualifications and no right to give health advice. They did discourage me, but I made a conscious decision to ignore them and keep going. After all, most of the information came from qualified sources, or careful research, and I at least had experience in treating the problems I was writing about.
What’s important is that confidence, whether you’re just starting a blog, or trying to stay pro-active about your health. Whatever your goal, it’s so important to just stay in that empowered, self-confident place, know where you’re headed, and not let anything sway you from that. People will say what they will, but if you have confidence in your goals, it is much easier to stay unmoved and unswayed by their negativity.
I have loved reading your blog—and your grandmother’s blog is also amazing!—and I think you are doing a wonderful job to let that negative thinking slide away, and to bring a positive, playful experience to the world. It is really empowering to read about someone who lived out here in the bay area, and then just decided to move out to the country and start taking care of animals. Some days your posts are like a breath of fresh air, and that confidence you express is infectious. So, thanks for sharing your positive attitude. = )
September 21st, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Your thoughts pretty much echo mine. In high school I gave up the herd mentality. I quit worrying about being different, an individual. So I follow my own road like you did on the Vespa. I found others who were individuals did not question my ways. Only those into the fad of the day were haters. It is amazing how compatible individuals are to each other, yet they don’t have to walk in lockstep. Like Eli and Charlie. Different yet compatible. Indviduals are those who can get along with themselves, alone. But also, their friends are grand, reliable and non criticising.
September 21st, 2009 at 2:41 pm
I really appreciate this post, and reading through all of the thoughts and opinions! I think the issue of dealing with hate mail really comes down to what you’d like to embrace - do you want to fight every step of the way, or are you content to let things wash over you and continue as you wish? I think I can understand both perspectives, but I must confess that I’ve been actively trying to angle my life more toward the ‘wash over’ attidue for the past few years. It’s really so much simpler to stop trying to please everyone, and please instead yourself and perhaps the few people whose opinions genuinely influence you and your choices (if those even number a ‘few’). Of course you’ve put this much more eloquently, Shreve, but I just don’t think it can be said often enough.
September 21st, 2009 at 3:19 pm
“Nothing preaches better than the act.”
Benjamin Franklin
September 21st, 2009 at 3:55 pm
I’ve always believe that, in the end, it is ourselves that make us happy, not the thoughts or deeds of others. To be happy with yourself is something special, I salute you in finding this rare commodity that far too many people don’t possess. The old saying ‘You can make some of the people happy some of the time, but you can’t make all the people happy all of the time…..” ….or something like that, is true. In the end, it’s you that has to be happy with you, so worry about making yourself happy ‘all of the time’ and let those that would rather bring you down worry about themselves.
September 21st, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I have visited your site before, long time ago…via Dooce actually. I found it today via one of the sites she is copying and pasting from ironically enough. People are free to express their feelings. That is what blogging is. Dooce has spent years doing that, and not being so “kind” at times with her opinions. But that’s fine. She is not perfect. And she is online, making her feelings public. She is BOUND to get feedback, both good and bad. And in truth, both sentiments about her (as most of us) do have a bit of foundation in truth. There is always two sides. Unfortunately, sometimes people don’t like to hear the truth because it’s not the truth as how they meant it or see it or to acknowledge that it just might be the truth in someone else’s view, which should just be FINE.
When a friend of mine tells me I’m being a jerk, I might initially not like it and get defensive, but if they really love me and support me, more often than not I see their side and learn that I indeed may not have made the right choice, said the right thing, done what I should have. Then I take a step back, maybe apologize, gain some humility and proceed with more recognition of my actions.
Some people spew hate just because. Screw em. Some people come across as hateful when that is the last thing they meant. And some people do take offense at actions and react accordingly. All that comes with the territory of blogging.
So I thought the monetizing for hate thing was tacky. I thought it was pathetic and desperate and snarky. I thought she just spotlighted those people, which is what she should have been wanting to avoid. (I discovered ALL of them via that stupid page whereas I had NO idea there was any such thing before). Making money off it? Well, that is in a whole other category. It’s beyond distasteful. I can’t even find words for it.
But the worst part for me came when I learned that much of what Dooce posted on that page was not sent to her, but in fact copied from sites that exist purely to criticize her. Someone had to go there, read through all that stuff and copy and paste those things. Who would go searching for such things about themselves? I sure wouldn’t. It feels as if it’s a forced manuever to fuel compassion for Heather or something…like a victim mentality…as in please support me, understand people don’t like me and tell me you DO. That wreaks of insecurity, ironically enough.
That comes across to me as very weak also. I’m, by nature, not that way and could care less what people think of me. I am who I am. If you don’t like me, so be it. But I’m the first to say if you criticize me and it has a grain of truth, then I’ll be the first to admit it.
I read her blog once upon a time because I thought she was that girl too. Now I feel as if all she does is constantly battle the invisible demons she feels are after her all the time and making everyone watch while she does. It’s not entertaining. It’s uncomfortable and disturbing. If you put yourself out for millions of people to listen to, you are gonna have people who listen, but don’t necessary like what you say! My intial reaction to that is “grow up and learn to cope with it” or STOP making yourself available for scrutiny by millions of strangers. Seems rather a simple choice.
September 21st, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Beautiful and affirming, my sweet friend.
September 21st, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Shreve, thank you for pushing your thoughts out there for others to share. I think part of the issue is the ability for anonymoty to have such power in the time of the world wide web. I also think hate is the ultimate control tool for people who need to feel superior. The only way to diffuse that is to not to pick up hates torch and run with it yourself, and by letting others know and feel confident that they can do the same. The mail you receive is an offering of that torch, and I’m very glad that you have the strength to extinguish it.
Thank you for spreading joy and happiness by sharing Charlie et al with the world!
September 21st, 2009 at 4:39 pm
I’m a sucker for a good tattoo story, and yours is *fabulous*! Thank you for sharing it, and of course all your wonderful photographs, with us!
September 21st, 2009 at 5:29 pm
nice pic.
and i don’t get much anti mail. but if a troll pics on me, it’s a badge of honor.
September 21st, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Thank you for sharing the way you deal with judgements by strangers - and what a great tatoo! You can’t let that negativity get into your system; it’s not good for you or the people and animals close to you. I admire your strength of character and the work you do to keep Charlie and your other animal friends healthy and safe.
September 21st, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Your insight reminds me of a story Wayne Dyer tells of the Buddha.
The Buddha and his followers traveled the countryside, from village to village, and everywhere they went people heaped scorn on the Buddha. Finally his followers asked him how he could remain so serene in the face of so much ire directed at him. He replied with a question: “If someone offers you a gift and you do not accept it, to whom does the gift belong?”
September 21st, 2009 at 6:49 pm
So you created meaning for a tattoo that was originally meaningless.
I think that’s much better than getting a tattoo that either becomes boring or that no longer is meaningful for your life.
As for hate mail and hate in general, as AKMuckracker says…for some people angry is a hobby.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:00 pm
That was most excellent…probably the most enlightened words written about this hate obsession.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Kudos to you, for stopping the wheel of karma right in its tracks!
I’m sure hate mail hurts deeply at first, I’m glad you have learned to dismiss it…
You live an awesome, tough, beautiful life all of your own, and I’m very happy that you don’t allow anyone to dictate how you are supposed to live your time on this Earth.
You rock
September 21st, 2009 at 8:30 pm
Thanks for this post. Makes perfect sense. My new way of thinking, keeping it at my wrist & not passing it along…..
While I’m able to, I want to thank you for your time & effort w/ The Daily Coyote & allowing us to share in the amazing life you have chosen to live.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:42 pm
I so agree about not spreading the negativity. This includes not INDULGING in the kinds of thoughts that lead to negative statements that lead to reactions to them, that lead to counterreactions, etc. and, I suppose, not being too reactive towards the people who are starting the chain of negativity in the first place. It’s not so easy, but after many many years, I have realized that there are times when it’s just better to let things go.
This is not to say that there are not times when you have to speak up, or try to put a stop to something. Of course there are. But sending hate & curses out doesn’t help anything.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:47 pm
What a lovely post! And such a terrific reminder about spreading the positives we come across. To do it with humor and grace is even so much more fulfilling.
And I enjoyed the story of your tattoo, very much. I fear I’d get bored with a tattoo, too, so it cracked me up to read that you didn’t know what it meant but you just liked the looks of it.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Your book, The Daily Coyote, was wonderful - I enjoyed every word of it and want you to write a sequeal to it - I am old enough to be your grandmother and I think it is wonderful that you have had the courage to do the things you want to at such an early age - I wish that I had had that courage at a younger age - at age 69 I am now doing some fun and crazy things I wished I done earlier - when I had youth and energy - I will be coming your way in the spring - we love Wymoing - continue your good life and may God bless you real real special - Adele
September 21st, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Shreve, this is the best attitude you can have toward the hate out there. Frankly, I don’t even understand why people even bother expressing their hate (I mean, this is a rhetorical statement; I do understand, but try not to endorse). Surely these people realize that their hate will only incite hate in return? I don’t know. In any case, I applaud you for staying grounded while in this difficult and public position. I am just now reading your book, which makes it so apparent how this blog is NOT the whole story, and I’m sure there’s so much more than the book as well.
As for dooce’s hate site, I don’t know. Her reaction seems a bit aggressive. I realize that there are many curious people who will read it, and she’ll in turn go HA! to the haters and make money off of them, but that still seems counterproductive and vengeful. Why even put that hate out there, why publicize it? But anyway, there I go being judgmental. Clearly she can do anything she wants with her private/public internet space.
Also, from the picture in your book, I thought your tattoo said FEMME FATALE. Not sure if you are that, but that’s what it looked like to me.
September 21st, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Good attitude… life is way to precious a gift to let others choose your path! You seem to have figured this out at a very young age, good for you!!
I agree the negativity that comes along with having a blog or such is very interesting, its sort of sad don’t you think. But I guess the Internet is no different than life… always those that dwell on the negative instead of the positive…
On a totally different note, I made a batch of Chocolate muffins today and thought of you, they were gluten free and to die for!!! They didn’t even need icing they were so good!!!
September 21st, 2009 at 9:23 pm
People deal with negativity in their own way. Shreve has found her way and dooce has found hers. One is not better than the other because it’s personal. Why is it that some people wholeheartedly agree with Shreve but then their next comments negatively judge dooce in her way way of dealing with the hate. What happened to the golden rule?
September 21st, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Hi Shreve,
I enjoyed your book so much I passed it on to everyone in my life. I work with imprinted and disabled wildlife and could relate to alot to how devoted you are to charlie.
I had a similar realisation eariler this year and just had to comment on your post.
I look forward to your pictures everyday!
Thank you for sharing
Lisa
September 21st, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Well, you already know I love you and your farmily to bits, so you know where I stand on any hate mail directed at you. I’ll repeat the age-old adage: “the best revenge is a well-spent life.” It’s rather interesting, if sad, that haters and hate-mailers are dealt the worst of all punishments: they have to be them, and you get to be you.
September 21st, 2009 at 10:22 pm
A small percentage (I hope) of citizens are perpetually miserable and/or stupid and/or verging on certifiably mad and many of them also have access to the Internet. I didn’t realize how many until I watched footage of some of those health care town halls and teabagger marches.
Closing down comments except for the occasional post is a wise move. It’s too bad it has to be that way, but once you reach a certain level of celebrity, it’s pretty hard to control the inevitable crazy.
September 21st, 2009 at 11:35 pm
It’s really truly beautiful when tattoo owners can create such power from their tattoos. It can /mean/ something. I’m glad yours does and that it helps you live a better life.
Also, thank you.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:28 am
Rereading this a second time. Thank you.
My admiration, my respect and…my love
to you and yours.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:03 am
Bravo. As others have already said, you learned precious wisdom decades before some of us. There simply isn’t time to waste on responding to all the hate that is flung at you in life, let alone perpetuate it by responding in kind.
I will never forget two key events that cured me of loving to gossip. They were years apart and involved completely different people, but the circumstances and my motivations were the same…
Both times, an acquaintance told me something in confidence. Both times, I repeated what they said to others, for the sake of appearing clever and “in the know”. Both times, my violation of someone’s trust came around like a boomerang and smacked me in the back of the head.
Since the second instance, I’ve tried to hew more closely to the Golden Rule. Not always successfully, but I find it a lot easier to live with myself.
Thanks again for sharing your life and thoughts with us, for writing so thoughtfully and honestly.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:10 am
Man! I know you’re a great photographer and I love the pictures… but in truth I am a total word nerd and your writing is just so amazing, I want more. I really, really like your approach - to many things.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:17 am
hey shreve - thank you for this - well said - and yr tattoo, too!!
when a number of hate-based comments appeared on a live journal community i follow, i realized that they were stemming from people who felt powerless & frustrated in their RL, and were too immature to know how to cope with that constructively. others would respond & the hate stuff just grew.
a number of years ago i read a scientific study in which some researchers went to a store. some said nice thing to shoppers, some said nasty things. and sure enough, the shoppers passed on whatever attitude had been directed to them to the next person they met! since reading that (well, before too - but now i could say, “studies have shown . . .”!), i make a point of trying to say something nice (”gee, that’s a pretty blouse,” or something) to someone who seems to be emitting stress & anger . . . it really does seem to help them catch their breath a bit . . . and i’m all for all of us being able to breathe a bit more freely . . .
thanks again - and say, my partner wants to know if you’ll have a calendar again this year - he got me a charlie one last year & i just adore it!
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:17 am
Wow. All these wonderful comments. What a powerful antidote to negativity; it’s like the anti-hate site.
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:45 am
I admire you.
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:53 am
Interesting, word gets around the blogsphere. I am a regular reader of both you and Dooce and I have been reading with interest the hate wars. I find it amusing and pathetic at the same time.
I am glad you dont give a whip what anyone thinks of you, I wish I had developed that ability long before I actually did. My old boss’s words are my mantra, “your opinion of me is none of my business” and I live by it!
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:20 am
Thank you for this. It is my morning meditation.
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:26 am
I recently learned, from a group of art students (not mine, but with a grudge held against anything “continuing ed”) from their hate mail to me regarding a poorly painted, meaningless student artwork that I commented on, that they run in a pack (like dogs frothing at the mouth) and don’t represent the whole, by any means. I had to say to myself, “Consider the source” and then it all made sense (the ridiculousness of it all and the fact they were just looking for fuel to spill their anger that had nothing at all, to do with me).
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:22 am
I really like what everyone is saying, except for the judgmental negative comments against dooce. What I love about dooce’s hate site is that it’s making fun of it. She has taken the negative comments for every one to see how totally ridiculous their comments are. They repeatedly say they will never come back to read her yet they keep coming back over and over. They make hurtful comments against her, her husband and EVEN making fun of her daughter! Some people are so low. This is how she’s dealing with negativity and I think it’s great. She’s also announced that all the proceeds coming from this hate site is going to charity. “Turning hate into good.”
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:57 am
I so enjoy everything about your website and I’m also very glad you don’t let the bad stuff get in the way. What a great way to start the day w/you, Charlie, Chloe, eli, Daisy & Ranger!!
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 am
Take this to heart.
You are a beautiful, brave, strong, adventurous woman. Your story (and by extension Charlie’s) is an inspiration to us, who are reading about you on the web. Your choice to save a life has affected more than just Charlie. And it’s all for the better.
Let the naysayers squawk and squabble. They only tear down and destroy things greater than themselves.
Be Well and Safe and Happy. (And give Charlie a hug from us, your fans.)
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:49 am
Shreve,
I have loved your blog from the day I started keeping tabs on you and your lovely family. And I have never been able to understand all the hateful comments I have seen on it.
Just from what I have read in your posts and your book makes me want to meet you. But alas I am not going to travel to your home and think I can just waltz right in like some have tried. I am a big time nature lover. I would love nothing more than to live away from what most people would call normal.
I am right now dealing with stomach issues and one thing my Doctor is going to test me for (it is hard to get in to see him and my appointment is still yet a month away) is Celiac Disease (not sure I spelled it right). I know a little bit about it thanks to you and some others that I know. I do know it is going to be not so easy for me. Since most of the gluten free foods I have tasted via friends that have to eat that way…I did not enjoy the taste of some of them. Like rice bread… blehh! As well as there is only one place here in Idaho within a 20 minute drive that I know of for a fact that sells gluten free items and their selection is very limited. And very gross. Not going into a long story here. I wanted to email you personally but you have never responded to my emails. So I will post here.
I have also emailed and asked if I could do a pointillism of your furry family and I would send you the original. As my gift to you for being such an inspiration and a break from the so called “real world” that I hate so much and wish I could leave.
I grew up in the country on a farm that family owned and loved it. And I miss it. So reading about your experiences and your lovely furry family is a breath of fresh air for me. I would love to have land where I could have goats and chickens and cows, etc. I definately am not a city girl. I hate it with a passion. I know Idaho doesn’t really have a major city. I know I have lived in Chicago and NY. Boise is a baby compaired to those two cities alone. But Boise is annoying none the less. I hate going into Boise. But I love the state of Idaho. I fell in love with the country here the first time I ever visited. Now I just need to move to the country.
So Shreve even though you get hate mail and you have haters. I am sure you have a whole lot more fans. And we love/like you for the way you are.
I walk into any situation not listening what others say about someone because I want to get to know that person for myself. As with my husband when people told me he was a jerk I ignored them and got to know him and found he was a sweet heart. As with people who talk crap about you…hun I think you are doing exactly what I would do if I could do it. I would love to buy land and build 2 cabins on it. I take care of my parents because of health issues so I am stuck in the city for easy hospital access. But I would love to move my parents as well as my husband, children and I out to the middle of no where and live.
Well this is wayyy to long…and I work the graveyard shift…even though I was sent home last night due to stomach issues… I do need to head to bed and hope that I am feeling well enough to work tonight when I wake up. Because otherwise I need a doctors note to miss another day of work and my appointment is a few weeks away yet.
Keep up the good work. And God bless your family. I love reading your blog.
God bless,
Angie
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I am one of the nosies that has emailed asking about your tattoo and what it says and means. Hearing the story in this way is amazing and beautiful, and a special look into you, thank you. Just a few paragraphs and you’ve given us all a reminder to stop the cycle of ‘grrr’ that can effect all of us throughout the day. We’ll all be keeping this in mind for quite a while I’m sure. Thank you.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Rock on Sista’ !!!!! Good on ya’ !!!
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:12 pm
From what I’ve read on this blog, you seem to live life on your terms (or at least try) without infringing the rights of others. I guess some people are threatened by independence. I say bravo, and keep it up. Independent thinkers may be more frustrating to deal with, but the interaction is more rewarding in the long run.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Wise words. Thank you for sharing.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Thanks for the post and open comment. An opportunity to pass along this website: http://string-ring.com/ I don’t usually go in for this sort of thing, but I did buy a string ring because I could always use a kindness reminder. I get a nice lift from your images and story.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:19 pm
I so admire you. I admit I’m also jealous of your life, though I know at times it must be difficult and your work is never done. The life you’ve chosen is not easy, but is obviously so rewarding in ways I’ll never get to experience. Thank you for sharing with us. I so look forward to seeing pictures every day and reading what news you have to share.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Looking at something is a creative process, it means creating complex combinations and a truth for oneself.
Our view creates a certain relationship between the outside and our inside. Though its only a reflection and projection of our own internal dialogs into the outer world, we tend to blow up our personal interpretations as absolute truths. This adds color into human life - but leads combined with fanatism to many fatal confrontations.
If one knows this principle, differences in opinions are a nice play to enjoy. If not – we may have a problem to digest what our ‘eyes’ eat.
It doesn’t make much sense to look at commentaries without taking into account the commentator. The true meaning of a nice or an ugly comment lies in the inner culture of the commentator’s mind. The value of a good or bad critique for us is our own creation and responsibility.
If someone tends or has to be destructive due to his inner constitution – this decribes his present state of life. Its a life quality, when one is free to choose to support the unfoldment of a peaceful harmony of differences. Strength should preferably result from being in tune with the intelligent organizing creative power of life. Not by having the power to attack or to act unscrupulously.
I think its helpful to remember this.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Life is too short to worry about what other people think. I am aware that my “tell it like it is or like I feel it” philosophy makes people say OMG I can’t believe you said that. But to me I am being honest with myself and others. I do not allow what other people say to or about me bother me. I prefer to look on life as a wonderful adventure, full of joy, and sometimes tribulation. But it is a jouney, never boring and always interesting. So people if you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit you on your way out!
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I would like to add that its a great joy to know that there is a life like yours out there in Wyoming.
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Dooce didn’t recieve the majority of that in email, she took comments from a site . So she had to go look for it. I’m sure she gets some hate email- everyone that “puts themselves out there” always does. Put the majority was taken from a site she could have stayed out of, but it made a good entry and got her lots of hits which equals money.
I love your site!
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:51 pm
How lucky you are that your grandmother is telling her stories on a blog. My grandmother was from Finland and died about 30 years ago. I would have loved to have her stories.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Dear Shreve,
My ex-husband is one of those people who posts hate comments and sends emails. Even to today it absolutely astounds me that he makes the time (as in a morning routine!!!) to make others feel horrible because 1) he enjoys the games of manipulation, as knocking someone down is a form of it, and 2) it really made him feel good. To him, the happier a person is, the more *fun* is is to throw mud at them.
Anyway, I mention this because I’m assuming that this goes across the board on those who conduct the same behavior. At the end, I think I actually pity them. I mean, how messed up must you be to where others’ misery makes you happier?! You lead a pretty spectacular life and they probably wish they had at least one tenth of the happiness your posts exude.
By the way, I echo the Daisy sentiment someone expressed in the earlier comments. I now dream of having my own milk cow!!! She is a beaut.
Thank you for sharing your life with us.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:22 pm
The love and respect that you get from your readers must absolutely drown out the hate; I hope so anyway, even if you don’t take the negativity to heart. Thank you for your many gifts.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:49 pm
I envy your life. I look at your photos and look at the landscape and I wish I lived there. I love looking at the photos of Cleo and Charlie. I didn’t think animals smiled but they sure do. Looking at the Sibling Revelry photo I could practically hear them laughing. I’m sure it’s hard work living there but it looks all worth it.
As far as negative comments I wish it didn’t bother me so much. It’s so weird. I don’t even know you, Heather and your grandmother but I get all riled up when I see stupid, hurtful and ignorant comments. I guess I’m too sensitive about these things and just hear the boos. Lance Armstrong said that the boos are louder than the cheers. A lot of people will be cheering but all you’ll hear are the boos. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to cheer louder to drown out those boos.
Yay Shreve! Yay Heather! Yay Grandma Svensto!
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Hi Shreve,
I read blogs for entertainment value or education. I haven’t the time or inclination to begin a hate campaign…I have way too much else to do.
I found you on here because of your book (THE book to me) - Eating Gluten Free. But I love your four legged gang too. Fans and haters are sometimes the best indication of success. Thanks for sharing.
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:10 pm
So, I find the whole hate mail discussion that has been floating around interesting as well. I’m a follower of Dooce, and I am aware that she took comments from another site. However, this woman has been terrorizing her for 3 years now, posting pretty vile comments about her, her children, her husband. How can anyone stand to see that vitriolic crap for three years and stand it? I don’t think even the most confident among us could have been able to ignore it. So Dooce created a site publishing those hate comments and calling her out. However, what most people don’t know quite yet is that she is giving the money made off that site to charity. So, she’s taking hate, and turning it into good, which I find admirable.
By the way, your writing is quite lovely.
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Congratulations, Shreve. You’ve come to a very wise place at a relatively early age. You know yourself, which is more than I can say for most people. Keep on keeping on. I adore your website and read it every day. Your photos are amazing, and you have MC and all these great animals in your life. Who could ask for more?
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Sorry I left Flicka out of the listing of your menagerie…knew about you having her…didn’t know her name!!! Also…need more pix of Eli!!! Was he your first of did Ranger come first???
September 23rd, 2009 at 1:50 am
Lichenload
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:20 am
Greetings,
A quick note just to say I’m impressed. I’m currently reading (savoring) the Daily Coyote, and found your site as a result. As far as this post goes, I think you have it. I believe that people inherently know the truth. I think they understand that there is a path, and that they’re either on it or not. The tricky part is, that they know… Consequently when they see someone who is actually “on” their path, they feel guilty and resent it. As the “Four Agreements” mention (and rightly so me thinks) is not to take anything personally (easier said than done) since it isn’t “all about us.” On the other hand, people like you have a light that those of us who have looked inside and seen the good, the bad, and yup, the ugly, can see and appreciate. Unfortunately there are others out there that don’t want to have your light illuminate, but then, we don’t always get what we want, but hopefully we get what we need. Stay well.
Namaste’
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:54 am
This made me think of The Avett Brothers “The Ballad of Love and Hate”. If you haven’t heard it, it’s definitely worth while to find it and listen. The lyrics can be found online, but it isn’t the same as hearing the song.
I think you are wonderful and amazing. I’m glad that the pointless negativity of others is like water on a duck’s back…it just rolls right off. That’s an admiral way to be. Thank you for inspiring us all.
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Hate mail? Addressed to YOU, Shreve??? Absolutely surreal.
How anyone could possibly find anything to object to about you, about the way you live your life, is beyond me. And who made them the boss of you, anyway?!
You are a role model and an inspiration for the rest of us. We wish we could live our lives as you do - knowing who and what we are, knowing what’s good for us and what’s bad and making the right choices, for living a strong and independent life without detracting from anyone else’e life…I could go on and on.
I know there are plenty of people out there who aren’t happy unless they’re making someone else miserable, but I can’t help but think they are pitifully misguided and must be suffering from a combination of small-mindedness, jealosy and weakness of character, and must be drowning in self-loathing.
I admire your ability to let it all wash away, like dirty water down a drain. Again, your strength of character is an inspiration to us all.
If you’re looking for a title for the very apt photo at the top, I’d suggest:
“From old bark, new life, new hope.”
Bless you Shreve. Bless you and MC and Charlie and Chloe and Daisy and the calf. May you all have long, happy, healthy lives, and may you continue to share your lives with us who have come to care deeply about you all.
Hugs and adamant support!
Theresa
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Just had to say that the Neapolitan photo up above is the cutest, CUTEST photo ever. I love it! I hope you’ll offer that photo as a prize one of these days. I wonder if all 3 are still trying to fit in that one pillow.
September 24th, 2009 at 12:12 am
Shreve,
Your life, photos, insights, and love for animals are a joy to behold. You, dear woman, are actually living the life that countless others would love for themselves. Thank you for sharing.
And good for you for no longer wasting your time trying to explain things to clueless assholes. You are appreciated, admired, and respected SO much more than you will EVER know.
Kate Thomas, Houston, Texas
September 24th, 2009 at 6:02 am
Oddly enough, I am currently dealing with a ‘hate’ e-mail addressed to a company I work for. I’m trying to find a balance between polite professionalism and strict discipline, and it’s tough.
‘Hate mail’ is so common as you say. It comes in many forms. Electronically, through snail mail, phone calls, face-to-face, things being called at you from across the street, while driving, even from people in the service industry who really ought to know better (and towards them, of course, from people who also ought to know better). It’s easy enough to brush off for those who have confidence and have a life that they are proud of. But it can be so difficult to ignore for others. Those who are downtrodden, who have had ‘one too many bad things’ happen that day, or week, or month. Those who have no love for themselves.
I work in two industries. Editing and by-law enforcement. Both have a great amount of negativity that gets directed at me. Usually, for no other reason than people having a bad day and needing a ‘convenient target’ to take it out on. It can be difficult, some days, to ignore it and realize that it’s not personal. They know nothing about me - all they see is the title, or the uniform. And so they vent and spew and cry ugly things to my back and write scathing e-mails.
Usually, I brush it off. Some days, though, I really wish I had the authority to say something back.
But you are right in your last few paragraphs, about ending it at oneself and not breathing further life into the hate. It is the best thing anyone can do in such instances. After a negative run-in, I always like to meet with reasonable people and do something good for them, as if to prove to myself that all of those horrible things I heard or read are not true after all. Give a warning instead of a citation. Give a compliment and tone down a criticism.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts here and allowing discussion on this topic.
September 24th, 2009 at 8:12 am
Dear Shreve,
You don’t need to go online to be attacked - most people think they have a right to judge and talk about others freely. I’m glad you DO talk freely about your thoughts and feelings: they are inspirational.
You are brave woman, Shreve, and I respect you for that.
You have so much to give and so much to say; I urge you to write another book, please. In the meantime, please, keep posting in your site: it’s a delight.
All my love and support to you and your beautiful furry family.
Laurie (and Nico)
September 24th, 2009 at 8:13 am
sorry, that was me in the previous post
Laurie
September 24th, 2009 at 11:14 am
I, too would like more pictures of the cow Daisy, did I miss the birth of her Baby ?
I was in Europe for a month,on an island middle of the north sea, no internet.
September 24th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Shreve:
I’ve been reading your blog for over a year now, and have read your book too. (Love them both)
I think whatever hate mail you’ve received has probably contributed in a small way to developing what I view as an extremely healthy and well balanced view of yourself.
You’re positive slant on the world around you and how you choose NOT to carry forward the negativity you encounter in your “internet world” is truly a PERFECT response to the FAR LESS than perfect mentality of the people who for some unknown reason can’t keep their nastiness to themselves.
WELL DONE!
And thank you for “sharing” Charlie with us.
September 24th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I’ll be brief: I love the blog, love the book, and think you’re an amazing person. Go Shreve!
September 24th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
the same reason you receive so much undeserved hate mail is the reason democrats and republicans hate each other with such passion, the reason some of the best people in history have been assassinated-Gandhi, JFK, Lincoln, Martin Luther King jr…
but anyways, i am with swissbarb, wendy and everyone else on here who is sending the e-love you deserve
(give charlie a bellyrub for me!)
September 25th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
I love it! I literally just deleted an email I had written (and saved as a draft) giving me the “last word”. But it never really is the last word, is it? And 5 minutes before reading your blog, which I absolutely adore, I emailed my husband who told me to hang in there, as it’s been a rough week, and I said “I’m going to turn into butter, and just let everything slide off my back.” thank you for the inspiration.
September 28th, 2009 at 9:58 am
What on Earth could someone post negative about your life? I absolutely envy it. Your kind of life is one I have had a deep desire to live forever. Unfortunately, like many, I cared what people thought so I didn’t get the life I truly wanted. Not that I’ve had a bad one, I haven’t but there is always that deep longing for something that will not come now. I can live vicariously through people like you though.
September 28th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
Thank you thank you thank you. You bring peace to my day.
September 29th, 2009 at 9:53 am
It is not the idea of posting the hate mail that bothers me, what bothers me is the people that would choose to write hate mail in the first place. It is sad that people spend their time sending hatred out there into the blogosphere at all. Although you deal with it well, you shouldn’t have to deal with it at all!
October 4th, 2009 at 8:08 am
I realize that your readership is at least 100 times what mine is, but really, people write you hate mail? I’m amazed by that. I can’t even begin to wonder what there is to hate about what you do. You saved a wild animal from almost certain death and raised him. You write, you live on the frontier and you don’t really publish much of an opinion about anything. I guess some people are really that unhappy that they have to pick on you. Your blog and the Charlie mailing list make my day.
Although I have to wonder, how do you get hate mail and no one bothers to write me hate mail. I’m opinionated, generally angry about something and normally spoiling for a dust up. And they pick on you? Shame on them.
December 25th, 2009 at 8:20 am
I once wrote a letter to the local newspaper. They printed it with my name and the area I lived in. Somebody looked up my address in the phone book and sent me some very nasty snail mail.
Anonymous opinions aren’t the end of the world. And thinking of the freedom the internet has brought to those who live in places without the luxury of free speech we enjoy (yet criticise the use of), a little perspective is a good thing. If criticism is bilious, it doesn’t neccesarily negate the point.
What I hate about the internet and its opinionising is people’s inability to read something smileyless without interpreting it as a rant.
Then again, I just hate thje internet for stealing so much of my life and allowing my Devil’s Advocate tendencies free rein, which negativity I must now apologise for, I suppose.
[Insert emoticon of choice here]